Our newest arrival is a total joy! He is an awesome little boy who is definitely developing his own personality. Or maybe, he always had that personality but has been in shell shock and hasn't been able to express it until now. He is funny and loud and a total boy; it's really something we have to get used to. We have had all girls up until now so having Mr. Rough and Tumble has been a little adjustment for us, even for my husband.
Luckily he eats well and sleeps well, mostly. He is basically a good kid even at 1 years old. You can pretty much tell he is not going to be the type that is real trouble. The hard part is that now that we are all adjusting, it will be a waiting game to see what his situation will turn out to be. It looks like his biological Mom and Dad have quite a bit of work to do. I don't want to wish for other people's down fall but I do really hope that our big guy gets to spend some time with us. It looks like at least six months and definitely longer if Mom and Dad can't seem to get it together.
Right now my life is visits and paper work and visitations with bio-parents. I can't get a babysitter if I want to go out. I have to get permission to take him on vacation or even get his hair cut. Right now I can't imagine not having a social worker visit but if it's what I have to do to get this little one taken care of, you know I will be there to do it. How can I not?? He is such a love!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Our Second Placement
On the evening of Sept 22nd we got an emergency call for a little one year old boy. I had to drive down town at 8:00 at night to the alley behind the ODJFS building in Cincinnati. I then had to walk to the front door to get a security guard to let me in where I waited for 20 minutes while the case worker prepared paperwork for our little one. We walked out side and I signed paperwork on top of his car in the back alley. All the while this little boy was in my arms and just quiet and curious.
By 9:15 pm I was driving back with a very tired and confused baby who drifted in and out of sleep. My husband and daughter had run out to the store to get him some essentials while I was picking him up. They were waiting, parcels in hand, when I arrived. By the time I got home he was completely out but getting him out of the car woke him immediately. I bathed him, got some pajamas on him that Lily had picked out and a giant bottle of milk which he drank down pretty quickly. He slept only 2 hours or so at a time and I had to sleep next to him most of the night.
It's been about a week now and he is doing really well and last night he slept through the night finally. He is teething and drooling but he is a pretty happy kid apart from that. The hard thing is that the roller coaster has already started. His Mom actually showed up in court today. Dad did not come. However, Mom has a friend that she wants to try to get cleared to take him. We will see where it all leads and we still don't know how long he will be with us. He is a very loved little boy in the mean time!! It is so hard not to get attached.
By 9:15 pm I was driving back with a very tired and confused baby who drifted in and out of sleep. My husband and daughter had run out to the store to get him some essentials while I was picking him up. They were waiting, parcels in hand, when I arrived. By the time I got home he was completely out but getting him out of the car woke him immediately. I bathed him, got some pajamas on him that Lily had picked out and a giant bottle of milk which he drank down pretty quickly. He slept only 2 hours or so at a time and I had to sleep next to him most of the night.
It's been about a week now and he is doing really well and last night he slept through the night finally. He is teething and drooling but he is a pretty happy kid apart from that. The hard thing is that the roller coaster has already started. His Mom actually showed up in court today. Dad did not come. However, Mom has a friend that she wants to try to get cleared to take him. We will see where it all leads and we still don't know how long he will be with us. He is a very loved little boy in the mean time!! It is so hard not to get attached.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Being Foster Parents
I looked back at my blog and realized I hadn't written since before we got my first placement. We ended up with three beautiful girls ages 2, 4, and 6. It was totally crazy with four children so I haven't blogged in forever. I was incredibly proud of myself though that I was able to parent four children and did it fairly successfully by the end of it. Everyone was very organized, we had a schedule and things like dishes and laundry actually got done too. I was even able to take the oldest three to the pool by myself; I didn't lose a kid or have any major catastrophe's occur.
The girls were only with us for 2 months however. The reason being that it wasn't really a good match. The four year old (who is really nearly 5) got very jealous when Lily and her sister would play together. This ended up in minor injuries for my daughter, unfortunately. Also, they really were children who needed a higher level of care than they initially thought. Who would have known? They will probably be going back to Dad soon if he can keep his job and finish his classes so we got another family to help them between now and then. Two of them are in school now and doing well. The littlest one turned 3 right before she left so we had a birthday party for her. It was very nice and she loved her gifts.
We took a few weeks off to get Lily into school and recuperate. We also went camping which was really fun! I love camping! We are now back on the open bed list and of course with in 20 minutes we got a call. We put our names in to be considered for two African American children. One is a 16 month old girl and the other is a 2 1/2 year old boy. However, we won't find out for another day or so if we are chosen to get them as a placement. Part of me is excited and part of me is nervous about having two babies in the house.
Like my last post, I am not sure what will happen and one minute you get a call and then next minute the children are being placed somewhere else or things change. Mostly this is because counties will call agencies like mine and get as many potential foster parents as possible. They will pick what they consider might be the best fit for these children. It all depends on the need out there and the number of current open beds that agencies have available. Who knows in a few weeks from now I could be the foster mother of a baby goat for all I know! I am joking, of course. Seriously, last time we had five calls and put our names down for three out of five of the calls. We finally ended up with the three girls.
Here is my take away from my first placement. This is a lot tougher job than they will ever tell you and it is impossible to prepare you for what you might face in a class! Counties will put a positive spin on the children because they want to get them care. They won't necessarily require you to get them all the help they need but they hope you will do as much as you can for them. By that I mean, counties can't afford to pay for theraputic care so they try to place children as traditional foster care as much as they can. If you are not careful you can go broke and be stuck doing far more than you expected if you really care about these kids. This is a "system" with lots of unwritten rules, manipulations, and you need to learn the ins and outs of it.
You are never prepared for what children might bring into your house either behavior wise or health wise and it will make you cry if you care about children. Our girls were exposed to adult horror movies so they really had a hard time sleeping. Also, they came in with nits we didn't know about and then had a full blown case of lice. The littlest one was very developmentally delayed enough to be borderline MRDD. She was a three year old with the speech skills of an 18 month old. The oldest horded food and wouldn't eat regular meals. She would tell you she hated everything. We had nearly every behavior that they talk about in the classes with those childern in two months.
Also, they all come in as wild children. Most have never had discipline and boundaries. If they had anything it was in the form of abuse. It becomes an incredible test of parental skills. If you pass you can make an incredible difference in a child's life. As challenging as it is, it also can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. As crazy as it was I can't wait to do it again (though I think my husband might have a differing opinion). :-)
The girls were only with us for 2 months however. The reason being that it wasn't really a good match. The four year old (who is really nearly 5) got very jealous when Lily and her sister would play together. This ended up in minor injuries for my daughter, unfortunately. Also, they really were children who needed a higher level of care than they initially thought. Who would have known? They will probably be going back to Dad soon if he can keep his job and finish his classes so we got another family to help them between now and then. Two of them are in school now and doing well. The littlest one turned 3 right before she left so we had a birthday party for her. It was very nice and she loved her gifts.
We took a few weeks off to get Lily into school and recuperate. We also went camping which was really fun! I love camping! We are now back on the open bed list and of course with in 20 minutes we got a call. We put our names in to be considered for two African American children. One is a 16 month old girl and the other is a 2 1/2 year old boy. However, we won't find out for another day or so if we are chosen to get them as a placement. Part of me is excited and part of me is nervous about having two babies in the house.
Like my last post, I am not sure what will happen and one minute you get a call and then next minute the children are being placed somewhere else or things change. Mostly this is because counties will call agencies like mine and get as many potential foster parents as possible. They will pick what they consider might be the best fit for these children. It all depends on the need out there and the number of current open beds that agencies have available. Who knows in a few weeks from now I could be the foster mother of a baby goat for all I know! I am joking, of course. Seriously, last time we had five calls and put our names down for three out of five of the calls. We finally ended up with the three girls.
Here is my take away from my first placement. This is a lot tougher job than they will ever tell you and it is impossible to prepare you for what you might face in a class! Counties will put a positive spin on the children because they want to get them care. They won't necessarily require you to get them all the help they need but they hope you will do as much as you can for them. By that I mean, counties can't afford to pay for theraputic care so they try to place children as traditional foster care as much as they can. If you are not careful you can go broke and be stuck doing far more than you expected if you really care about these kids. This is a "system" with lots of unwritten rules, manipulations, and you need to learn the ins and outs of it.
You are never prepared for what children might bring into your house either behavior wise or health wise and it will make you cry if you care about children. Our girls were exposed to adult horror movies so they really had a hard time sleeping. Also, they came in with nits we didn't know about and then had a full blown case of lice. The littlest one was very developmentally delayed enough to be borderline MRDD. She was a three year old with the speech skills of an 18 month old. The oldest horded food and wouldn't eat regular meals. She would tell you she hated everything. We had nearly every behavior that they talk about in the classes with those childern in two months.
Also, they all come in as wild children. Most have never had discipline and boundaries. If they had anything it was in the form of abuse. It becomes an incredible test of parental skills. If you pass you can make an incredible difference in a child's life. As challenging as it is, it also can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. As crazy as it was I can't wait to do it again (though I think my husband might have a differing opinion). :-)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
First Few Calls from In-Take
We have received our first calls from in-take. The woman's name is Melissa and she is incredibly sweet! I really like her. Unfortunately we had to pass up the first two calls but we are very close to having another member(s) of our family. We are hoping the third call is the charm.
The first call we had to turn down because it was for a family of four children. ages 11 months to 6 years old. That was a little much for us. The second call was perfect, it was for a 4 year old girl and a 16 month old boy, but they had 2 visitations each week in the middle of the day. There was no way we could do that realistically.
I am hoping we get one or two children, that are traditional foster care children (not special needs or heavy on the behavioral problems), who are headed toward permanency rather than reunification. Also, having 16mths and 4 years old would be totally perfect because that way Lily can be the oldest and a role model for the children. We will see who needs help and what comes up!
The first call we had to turn down because it was for a family of four children. ages 11 months to 6 years old. That was a little much for us. The second call was perfect, it was for a 4 year old girl and a 16 month old boy, but they had 2 visitations each week in the middle of the day. There was no way we could do that realistically.
I am hoping we get one or two children, that are traditional foster care children (not special needs or heavy on the behavioral problems), who are headed toward permanency rather than reunification. Also, having 16mths and 4 years old would be totally perfect because that way Lily can be the oldest and a role model for the children. We will see who needs help and what comes up!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
We are Licensed!
So we are very excited because we finally received our license from the state and we are now Therapeutic Foster/Adopt parents. We even received our first call the following day. We had to reject it because it was for 4 children and right now that is beyond our means but it was still very exciting to receive a call.
I think over the last week I have been reminded that everything is happening in its own way and in its own time. I am just relaxing and letting it happen as best I can. It has been nice that my daughter had a lot going on this past week so I had to focus on other things. Having some space and some other things to focus on has helped me get past my grief a bit. It will always be there but I know I can move forward and that is important.
I think over the last week I have been reminded that everything is happening in its own way and in its own time. I am just relaxing and letting it happen as best I can. It has been nice that my daughter had a lot going on this past week so I had to focus on other things. Having some space and some other things to focus on has helped me get past my grief a bit. It will always be there but I know I can move forward and that is important.
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Happy Path
Recently I had to just have a good ole' cry about our whole 'baby making' & adoption situation. I feel better now I think but I had a hard few days.What helped me get out of my funk was remembering how I met my husband. It sounds strange but I had to go through quite a bit in my life before I met him. I was able to see that my journey prepared me to meet him and to be the wife I am today.
Essentially. I was married in my early 20's to Mr Wrong. I thought I knew what love and marriage was all about but I really, seriously didn't. However, through that experience I learned what I wanted to be as a wife and what I wanted in relationships. Once we got divorced, I moved to California and met Jonny. It took us nearly 4 years and a tremendous break up in the middle but eventually we got married. It was the best decision of my life. I can truly say that this person is my best friend, I am a co-captain of our little family boat and not a first mate. Though we are not perfect and our marriage isn't perfect, it is perfect for us and exactly what I need and want.
I can look back to times when I was going through my rocky relationship with my ex-husband where I asked God, "Why am I going through this and what am I doing wrong?" Little did I know that God was preparing me to meet Jonny. OK he didn't necessarily want me to marry Mr. Wrong, that was my idea. However, it gave me the idea to move to California when I was divorced and lo and behold that is where Jonny decided to move to from Northern Ireland. Also, since I needed to learn what a good relationship looked like (since obviously I had no clue) he put people in my life like my step-sister and step-mother to help me.
The long and short of it is that God works to get us back on the right track. We may elongate the journey if we make bad choices but as we try to follow him he will lead us back to where we need to be. He's also working to get us to the place where our lives will cross the paths of others. And, it is all done at the time frame in which it needs done.
Fast forward to now, I see that what I am going through is preparing me to have the family and children I am destined to have. When I am going through a tough patch, it is really hard to see that. I have a really hard time remembering this and being patient. I have to learn to just trust in God that things are going the way they are supposed to go and not try to push my will on a situation. My impatience can make the journey longer.
Essentially. I was married in my early 20's to Mr Wrong. I thought I knew what love and marriage was all about but I really, seriously didn't. However, through that experience I learned what I wanted to be as a wife and what I wanted in relationships. Once we got divorced, I moved to California and met Jonny. It took us nearly 4 years and a tremendous break up in the middle but eventually we got married. It was the best decision of my life. I can truly say that this person is my best friend, I am a co-captain of our little family boat and not a first mate. Though we are not perfect and our marriage isn't perfect, it is perfect for us and exactly what I need and want.
I can look back to times when I was going through my rocky relationship with my ex-husband where I asked God, "Why am I going through this and what am I doing wrong?" Little did I know that God was preparing me to meet Jonny. OK he didn't necessarily want me to marry Mr. Wrong, that was my idea. However, it gave me the idea to move to California when I was divorced and lo and behold that is where Jonny decided to move to from Northern Ireland. Also, since I needed to learn what a good relationship looked like (since obviously I had no clue) he put people in my life like my step-sister and step-mother to help me.
The long and short of it is that God works to get us back on the right track. We may elongate the journey if we make bad choices but as we try to follow him he will lead us back to where we need to be. He's also working to get us to the place where our lives will cross the paths of others. And, it is all done at the time frame in which it needs done.
Fast forward to now, I see that what I am going through is preparing me to have the family and children I am destined to have. When I am going through a tough patch, it is really hard to see that. I have a really hard time remembering this and being patient. I have to learn to just trust in God that things are going the way they are supposed to go and not try to push my will on a situation. My impatience can make the journey longer.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Today's Comfort Verse from the Bible
"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Genesis 28:15
I know God is with me and will keep leading me back to himself until he has done what he has promised.
Genesis 28:15
I know God is with me and will keep leading me back to himself until he has done what he has promised.
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