My Fears

Foster care and adoption is a road with it's own bumps. It is hard to describe to others that haven't been through it. People liken it to having your own children but since the process of accepting a child into your home is different and the adjustment is different, it really is its own animal. I think because of that some of the worries are different as well.

Instead of worrying whether the child will be born healthy, I know the child will probably have issues of some sort. My issue is whether I can figure out which problem the child has and whether I will truly be able to handle it. I wonder if we have gone down this path for it only to wind up a disaster.

So, to worry this to the Nth degree and I get all my fears out there, here is my list:

1. We don't find a fit for our family and this ends up being as much of a dead end as fertility treatments.
2. One of us doesn't bond with the child.
3. My husband doesn't actually want to adopt but says he does for my sake and ends up resenting me and the child.
4. There is something terrible wrong with the child that we don't find out until later.
5. The child grows up and hates us.
6. My daughter grows up hating us for adopting.
7. It becomes a much more difficult job than I had ever imagined and I hate it.

So there it is; it's out there. That's my list and it is off my chest. Realistically, I know that some of that could happen but most of it probably won't. We have people to help us along the way so that we aren't facing any of that alone. Measures are always taken by agencies (and by us) so we know we will have a good fit and there shouldn't be a placement disruption.

I also have online and real-life friends that have gone through this. They let me know what the realities are of having a new child come into the home. They of course aren't really that different than having a new baby come into a home. Children get jealous and fight. There are days that one or both children have behavior issues. They will both get sick together and then you will get sick and then the dog will get sick and guess what? you are cleaning up barf for days including your own. It's called parenthood! Have fun!

Honestly though, if I stopped doing things because I was afraid I don't think I would be where I am right now in life. I think this is just another one of those times. I feel called to do this and I love being a parent. I am sure I will get lots more out of this than I ever imagined but for right now I just need to face my fears and move through them.