Weight Loss

Weight Loss is such a bitter topic for me. I have struggled off and on for most of my life with weight issues and nothing messes with you more than being fat. I am Fat! I am a fat chick! I have gone from being over weight to being obese back to being healthy so many times I can't count them any more. What makes me most bitter is the commonly held belief that there is something seriously wrong with you as a person if you are fat.

Regardless of what people say and the media attention given to this issue, most people at their core truly believe that fat people are just lazy and don't care. Any grief that they get from being over weight is some how deserved. I know this from personal experience. I have had doctors make off the cuff comments about you know you just need to get out and exercise a little and it will just fall right off. Doctors are supposed to be experts and making remarks like that, as though I am at just being lazy, is insulting to say the least.

In case you think I am crazy, my metabolism is slower than most so I do exercise and it doesn't just fall off. My step-sister is naturally a size 4 and let me tell you she doesn't exercises. My friend who is 5'6" and complains about being 127 pounds rather than 125 pounds, can eat nearly an entire pizza herself. I have seen her do it! Now to be fair my friend who is 127 pounds does exercise and my step-sister tries to eat all organic and is gluten free due to allergies. However, I know for me I had to eat, 1200-1500 calories a day and do 2000 calories of exercise a week to maintain my 150-160 lbs. You want to know how much it sucks to have to do that? That isn't even "ideal" weight for me according to doctors. I should be under 140.

It is crazy the stuff that I have heard from people, over the years. I had one boss that I travelled to China on business with tell me that having another person who is overweight on the trip makes him more uncomfortable about his weight. Oh awesome! Thanks so much for confiding in me. That doesn't make me insecure at all especially since you are my boss and everything. I have had boyfriends confide in me that I was the largest girl they had gone out with and I wasn't even obese I was a bit overweight but still cute. I have been walking down the street and had young men yell, "Hey Fatty!" out the window of their truck while I was walking down the street with my pregnant work mate.

It is no wonder that the first thing people have to go through in significant weight loss programs is counseling. Besides struggling with self-esteem issues they have to realize that once they get their weight off they may also have to face what it is like to be "average". People who meet them for the first time and never knew they were obese still may not accept them. Instead of the "wow you look great" remarks they may be surprised to find that they get turned down for dates. Mothers still pinch you around the waist. Everyone from doctors who are new to store clerks who have never met you may think those brand new jeans you just bought are a little tight. They may even suggest you lose a few pounds.

It is just so crazy that this kind of behavior occurs and people feel they can say anything to anyone. However, it leaves me in a personal quandary. I still want to lose weight but also I want to stand proud with the "big girls". Being healthy and being a big girl shouldn't be mutually exclusive. I think my own psyche is playing out what the society is trying to do. I am trying to accept bigness and embrace a healthy life style all in one.

Further more, I know that healthy for me is probably going to be 160 and I will probably still be a big girl. I know I can maintain that weight long term. However, every time I lose weight I feel as though psychologically I am punishing myself for being fat and I don't want to do that. Trying to find a healthy balance that I can maintain physically as well as psychologically. I really hope I can achieve that goal and at the same time "stand with the big girls."