We have received our first calls from in-take. The woman's name is Melissa and she is incredibly sweet! I really like her. Unfortunately we had to pass up the first two calls but we are very close to having another member(s) of our family. We are hoping the third call is the charm.
The first call we had to turn down because it was for a family of four children. ages 11 months to 6 years old. That was a little much for us. The second call was perfect, it was for a 4 year old girl and a 16 month old boy, but they had 2 visitations each week in the middle of the day. There was no way we could do that realistically.
I am hoping we get one or two children, that are traditional foster care children (not special needs or heavy on the behavioral problems), who are headed toward permanency rather than reunification. Also, having 16mths and 4 years old would be totally perfect because that way Lily can be the oldest and a role model for the children. We will see who needs help and what comes up!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
We are Licensed!
So we are very excited because we finally received our license from the state and we are now Therapeutic Foster/Adopt parents. We even received our first call the following day. We had to reject it because it was for 4 children and right now that is beyond our means but it was still very exciting to receive a call.
I think over the last week I have been reminded that everything is happening in its own way and in its own time. I am just relaxing and letting it happen as best I can. It has been nice that my daughter had a lot going on this past week so I had to focus on other things. Having some space and some other things to focus on has helped me get past my grief a bit. It will always be there but I know I can move forward and that is important.
I think over the last week I have been reminded that everything is happening in its own way and in its own time. I am just relaxing and letting it happen as best I can. It has been nice that my daughter had a lot going on this past week so I had to focus on other things. Having some space and some other things to focus on has helped me get past my grief a bit. It will always be there but I know I can move forward and that is important.
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Happy Path
Recently I had to just have a good ole' cry about our whole 'baby making' & adoption situation. I feel better now I think but I had a hard few days.What helped me get out of my funk was remembering how I met my husband. It sounds strange but I had to go through quite a bit in my life before I met him. I was able to see that my journey prepared me to meet him and to be the wife I am today.
Essentially. I was married in my early 20's to Mr Wrong. I thought I knew what love and marriage was all about but I really, seriously didn't. However, through that experience I learned what I wanted to be as a wife and what I wanted in relationships. Once we got divorced, I moved to California and met Jonny. It took us nearly 4 years and a tremendous break up in the middle but eventually we got married. It was the best decision of my life. I can truly say that this person is my best friend, I am a co-captain of our little family boat and not a first mate. Though we are not perfect and our marriage isn't perfect, it is perfect for us and exactly what I need and want.
I can look back to times when I was going through my rocky relationship with my ex-husband where I asked God, "Why am I going through this and what am I doing wrong?" Little did I know that God was preparing me to meet Jonny. OK he didn't necessarily want me to marry Mr. Wrong, that was my idea. However, it gave me the idea to move to California when I was divorced and lo and behold that is where Jonny decided to move to from Northern Ireland. Also, since I needed to learn what a good relationship looked like (since obviously I had no clue) he put people in my life like my step-sister and step-mother to help me.
The long and short of it is that God works to get us back on the right track. We may elongate the journey if we make bad choices but as we try to follow him he will lead us back to where we need to be. He's also working to get us to the place where our lives will cross the paths of others. And, it is all done at the time frame in which it needs done.
Fast forward to now, I see that what I am going through is preparing me to have the family and children I am destined to have. When I am going through a tough patch, it is really hard to see that. I have a really hard time remembering this and being patient. I have to learn to just trust in God that things are going the way they are supposed to go and not try to push my will on a situation. My impatience can make the journey longer.
Essentially. I was married in my early 20's to Mr Wrong. I thought I knew what love and marriage was all about but I really, seriously didn't. However, through that experience I learned what I wanted to be as a wife and what I wanted in relationships. Once we got divorced, I moved to California and met Jonny. It took us nearly 4 years and a tremendous break up in the middle but eventually we got married. It was the best decision of my life. I can truly say that this person is my best friend, I am a co-captain of our little family boat and not a first mate. Though we are not perfect and our marriage isn't perfect, it is perfect for us and exactly what I need and want.
I can look back to times when I was going through my rocky relationship with my ex-husband where I asked God, "Why am I going through this and what am I doing wrong?" Little did I know that God was preparing me to meet Jonny. OK he didn't necessarily want me to marry Mr. Wrong, that was my idea. However, it gave me the idea to move to California when I was divorced and lo and behold that is where Jonny decided to move to from Northern Ireland. Also, since I needed to learn what a good relationship looked like (since obviously I had no clue) he put people in my life like my step-sister and step-mother to help me.
The long and short of it is that God works to get us back on the right track. We may elongate the journey if we make bad choices but as we try to follow him he will lead us back to where we need to be. He's also working to get us to the place where our lives will cross the paths of others. And, it is all done at the time frame in which it needs done.
Fast forward to now, I see that what I am going through is preparing me to have the family and children I am destined to have. When I am going through a tough patch, it is really hard to see that. I have a really hard time remembering this and being patient. I have to learn to just trust in God that things are going the way they are supposed to go and not try to push my will on a situation. My impatience can make the journey longer.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Today's Comfort Verse from the Bible
"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Genesis 28:15
I know God is with me and will keep leading me back to himself until he has done what he has promised.
Genesis 28:15
I know God is with me and will keep leading me back to himself until he has done what he has promised.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
There are just days.....
There are just some days that are so frustrating and sad that it makes me want to cry. Last week I found out from our agency that the paperwork that needed to be signed and sent to the state for our foster/adopt certification hadn't been sent in yet. It has now been sent but it will still take another 2-3 weeks before we are even certified. This week I found out that a child I inquired about can't be adopted (at least not yet) because she was transferred and they can't find an agency in her area to facilitate the adoption. This, on top of the fact that exactly a month ago I had another miscarriage, just stinks! There are just days that I think I wasn't meant to be a mother to anyone else but Lily.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart. I explained it to my husband like this. It's like planning a party and having only one person show up. You are still glad that your one person showed up and now you think that there will be more cake for the two of you. It reminds you just how special they are. It's just that you really miss the friends that didn't show up. There is part of you that hopes they will come and still checks the window. Even though you love the one person that did show up, you would gladly give up your cake for the rest of them to be there as well.
I was really frustrated over the weekend and I did a little Bible reading. I realized that I mostly get frustrated when things don't go my way. The fact is that when I try to do everything my way, and it may be the right way, it isn't always want God has planned for me. There is a force (or God which is what I believe) that is driving you toward your destiny and you can either go with the flow or against it. You have to trust that he is looking out for your greater good. Let him lead you and know that everything will happen according to his perfect timing.
It sounds like bunk! Even as I am typing this I know it sounds like b*llsh*t christian rhetoric. No one when they lose a child wants to hear that it was "Gods Plan." Honestly I don't think it is God's plan that children die. I do know however, that things happen for a reason. It may not always be God's reason. The reason that I had miscarriages is that there were chromosomal issues. Better that we don't have to make a choice between an abortion and having to give birth to a child that will only end up dying. I actually thank him that I haven't had to make that choice. Children die every year in orphanages because of poverty. God didn't make poverty.
Yes, God could take away all those things in a second but then that would also take away the one thing that became possible in the Garden of Eden, freedom of choice between him and darkness. He wants us to choose him, he wants us to say yes, I love you Dad. It's not that he needs our love or acceptance, far from it. It's that he can't give help or love to someone who doesn't want it. If we don't love him then that is our choice and he can't force himself on us if he really loves us.
However, for those of us who follow we also know God works with us not against us and helps those who ask for help. As I was reading this weekend I was reminded of Jesus' 40 days in the desert when he was tempted by Satan. What Satan was trying to do was sow the seeds of doubt into Jesus's mind. He tried to get him to prove that God would help him (sowing the seed that it needed proven). He also tried to offer him the whole world if Jesus would just follow him. The lie is that we are separated from God and also separated from our greatest good. Jesus knew he was not separated from God and even though it was his job to die for us, he also knew that it was for the God's (his own) greatest good.
In the end, we are not separated from him or from our greatest good. We only think we are. We just have to remember that, quite ourselves down and listen. He will tell us what needs to be done and where he wants to lead us. The command that is stated the most times in the Bible is "Follow Me." In my darkest times, I am just trying hard to stick to that and listen to his direction.
The most difficult thing for me right now is knowing that the little Russian girl right now is in an institution. She is probably bedridden and won't have a very long life expectancy the longer she says there. I just pray there is a person in the place that she is in, that will look out for her. I pray she has a guardian angel over her just keeping her and all the other children safe. I have been very blessed in my life and if God could just move some of that blessing her way instead then that would make me very happy.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart. I explained it to my husband like this. It's like planning a party and having only one person show up. You are still glad that your one person showed up and now you think that there will be more cake for the two of you. It reminds you just how special they are. It's just that you really miss the friends that didn't show up. There is part of you that hopes they will come and still checks the window. Even though you love the one person that did show up, you would gladly give up your cake for the rest of them to be there as well.
I was really frustrated over the weekend and I did a little Bible reading. I realized that I mostly get frustrated when things don't go my way. The fact is that when I try to do everything my way, and it may be the right way, it isn't always want God has planned for me. There is a force (or God which is what I believe) that is driving you toward your destiny and you can either go with the flow or against it. You have to trust that he is looking out for your greater good. Let him lead you and know that everything will happen according to his perfect timing.
It sounds like bunk! Even as I am typing this I know it sounds like b*llsh*t christian rhetoric. No one when they lose a child wants to hear that it was "Gods Plan." Honestly I don't think it is God's plan that children die. I do know however, that things happen for a reason. It may not always be God's reason. The reason that I had miscarriages is that there were chromosomal issues. Better that we don't have to make a choice between an abortion and having to give birth to a child that will only end up dying. I actually thank him that I haven't had to make that choice. Children die every year in orphanages because of poverty. God didn't make poverty.
Yes, God could take away all those things in a second but then that would also take away the one thing that became possible in the Garden of Eden, freedom of choice between him and darkness. He wants us to choose him, he wants us to say yes, I love you Dad. It's not that he needs our love or acceptance, far from it. It's that he can't give help or love to someone who doesn't want it. If we don't love him then that is our choice and he can't force himself on us if he really loves us.
However, for those of us who follow we also know God works with us not against us and helps those who ask for help. As I was reading this weekend I was reminded of Jesus' 40 days in the desert when he was tempted by Satan. What Satan was trying to do was sow the seeds of doubt into Jesus's mind. He tried to get him to prove that God would help him (sowing the seed that it needed proven). He also tried to offer him the whole world if Jesus would just follow him. The lie is that we are separated from God and also separated from our greatest good. Jesus knew he was not separated from God and even though it was his job to die for us, he also knew that it was for the God's (his own) greatest good.
In the end, we are not separated from him or from our greatest good. We only think we are. We just have to remember that, quite ourselves down and listen. He will tell us what needs to be done and where he wants to lead us. The command that is stated the most times in the Bible is "Follow Me." In my darkest times, I am just trying hard to stick to that and listen to his direction.
The most difficult thing for me right now is knowing that the little Russian girl right now is in an institution. She is probably bedridden and won't have a very long life expectancy the longer she says there. I just pray there is a person in the place that she is in, that will look out for her. I pray she has a guardian angel over her just keeping her and all the other children safe. I have been very blessed in my life and if God could just move some of that blessing her way instead then that would make me very happy.
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