UUUUUugggghhh!!!!! Ok, it's the day before memorial day weekend. I just need to vent and ask God for lots and lots of patience.
First, I got an email this week saying that my assessor's boss FINALLY read through our homestudy and approved it. I thought she had said that she was doing that 2 weeks ago. Well it is finally mailed out but it will be yet another 2-3 weeks before the state certifies us as adoptive/foster parents.
Second, the group who we contacted 2 weeks ago, to inquired about a child, still hasn't gotten back to us either. Apparently, they haven't been able to get agencies to get back to them. Everyone is on vacation it seems.
It is so hard waiting. I hate it! hate it! hate it! I realized this week that we have been doing a homestudy since Christmas, we have been doing the foster/adopt thing for a year now, and the trying to conceive #2 thing for 3 years now. I keep getting teases but no relief. It's not as though I am not enjoying my life and my one child in the meantime. However, it is really, really frustrating to keep going down this road with no outcome.
I feel bad because at this point my husband could just give it all up and toss in the towel. I am the one who just can't move on. I feel like there is a child out there waiting for us and we just haven't met them yet or maybe we have but we just can't get to them.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Fundraising
I have always been a pay as you go person. When looking into foreign adoptions I realized I may have to do something I am not used to, ask for money. While it is against my grain, I also know that there is no way we are going to be able to help a child with out help from others. I decided to make a list, not just for others but for myself that details why you should fundraise for special needs adoptions.
1. The most obvious answer is, it's expensive and we can't do it alone! With special needs children agency fees are waived and grants are often available however that never covers the whole cost. Agencies that give grants expect that you will also fundraise in order to raise awareness and earn your grant. Also, once the child is in this country they will need medical care which also costs money even with the best medical insurance. Getting the adoption costs reduced at least relieves part of the family's financial burden. In the case of special needs children, it really does take a villiage to raise them!
2. It really is saving a child. If we don't do this, there isn't a queue of people behind us that will take this child. Most special needs children are not adopted. If left in their own country they will be literally dumped in mental or medical institutions where their life expectancy is reduced dramatically. Many of their conditions are treatable and they can live happy, productive lives here in America.
3. We need to raise awarness. Even if people don't help me out I hope they are now more aware of organizations like Reece's Rainbow and Brittnay's Hope that support special needs children and adoption. With out these organization more children world wide would end up in rather dyer circumstances.
4. It is tax deductable! These are non-profit organizations! You can make donations in the name of your favorite child and it goes specifically to their case. You can also donate to other humanitarian efforts at orphanges around the world.
1. The most obvious answer is, it's expensive and we can't do it alone! With special needs children agency fees are waived and grants are often available however that never covers the whole cost. Agencies that give grants expect that you will also fundraise in order to raise awareness and earn your grant. Also, once the child is in this country they will need medical care which also costs money even with the best medical insurance. Getting the adoption costs reduced at least relieves part of the family's financial burden. In the case of special needs children, it really does take a villiage to raise them!
2. It really is saving a child. If we don't do this, there isn't a queue of people behind us that will take this child. Most special needs children are not adopted. If left in their own country they will be literally dumped in mental or medical institutions where their life expectancy is reduced dramatically. Many of their conditions are treatable and they can live happy, productive lives here in America.
3. We need to raise awarness. Even if people don't help me out I hope they are now more aware of organizations like Reece's Rainbow and Brittnay's Hope that support special needs children and adoption. With out these organization more children world wide would end up in rather dyer circumstances.
4. It is tax deductable! These are non-profit organizations! You can make donations in the name of your favorite child and it goes specifically to their case. You can also donate to other humanitarian efforts at orphanges around the world.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Momma's Breakin' Down!
Ok I finally did it.... I ran to the grocery store just to get some ice cream and rabbit food (yes we rescued a rabbit last year!), I was walking past the kids section toward the pets section and I nearly had a nervous break down. I am not sure what the deal was but I just thought I would burst into fits of tears. I had to grab the rabbit food and just walk to another section of the store to calm down. Make-up and hair suppies seemed to work. Wow! I was just so overwhelmed in one moment.
I think this last miscarriage and the waiting for homestudies just has caught up with me. I just looked at all those baby clothes and felt like that will never be me again. I suddenly just lost it. I think for those of us that have either suffered losses, fertility treatments or the adoption process, we all have those break-down moments. Everything seems so overwhelming.
After I calmed down I was able to go home and luckily I have an understanding husband. We talked about it and I felt better. I know there are better days to come and I keep the faith and will continue to love all children that come my way.
I think this last miscarriage and the waiting for homestudies just has caught up with me. I just looked at all those baby clothes and felt like that will never be me again. I suddenly just lost it. I think for those of us that have either suffered losses, fertility treatments or the adoption process, we all have those break-down moments. Everything seems so overwhelming.
After I calmed down I was able to go home and luckily I have an understanding husband. We talked about it and I felt better. I know there are better days to come and I keep the faith and will continue to love all children that come my way.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Stacy, why do you want to adopt?
As silly as it may sound I decided to have an interview with myself. My reasoning is that I get asked these questions by people, so I thought it would be best to put all the answers in one place. People who know me know where my heart is but for those I may be just meeting for the first time, I think it's a great place to start advocating for adoption.
Q: "What led you to adoptions?"
A: After our first child was born, I had a very hard time getting and staying pregnant. I have always had it in my heart anyway to adopt, so committing myself to adoption rather than additional fertility treatments just seemed to be the right path for our family. Also, we have a number of adopted family members in our extended family so our children would be far from alone in that respect and would be readily accepted.
Q:"What types of Adoption are you considering?"
A: We are currently 2+ weeks away from receiving our certificate in the mail from the state for therapeutic foster/adoptive parents so we plan on fostering to adopt. Additionally we have inquired about special needs children in other countries. I am not sure what will come out of any of our endeavors but I am looking forward to growing our family.
Q:"Why would you consider fostering?"
A: First, it is a great way to help children who are in need of a home while their parents are getting the help they need. Also, it is a great way to be in position to adopt should parental rights be terminated. Second, there is a big misconception that foster kids are terribly damaged. Although this is a traumatic experience for most children, that doesn't mean that they can't have wonderful lives in our care. Most of them with the proper care can do very well and grow to live wonderful productive lives. Certainly many have varying degrees of physical, developmental and emotional issues but with support children are incredibly resilient.
Q:"Why would you consider a special needs child?"
A: I think most of us have grown up with a certain belief. We think that if we go into a store to get a can of soup we should get the one that has the shiny can. We only get the dented cans if we really can't afford to get the shiny one. When you are talking about children this isn't the case, but people still talk in language as though this is the case. First, it isn't as though we can't afford the shiny can. Well honestly, we can't at this point but if we really wanted the shiniest can we would have spend our money on adopting a newborn rather than fertility treatments.
The incorrect believe is that some how, some of us have shinier cans than others. The fact is that none of us has a perfectly shiny can. Inside we are all the same, we all have soup and the soup is the same regardless of the can. The point is that sometimes we care too much about the packaging and don't look at the person within, or in this case the child within. Only God is perfect and because he loves us and he sees us as his perfect children, we should see others as his children as well and focus on abilities not disabilities.
Since we feel this way we also feel that is is our place in the world to help those children who maybe other people might turn away. Also, many special needs children have correctable problems, or less severe issues and they can still live happy productive lives. Why not give them the chance and the love they deserve?
Q:"Why would you consider adopting from another country?"
A: That just may be where our child is. When you fall in love it doesn't matter the location. Also, special needs children in foreign countries are the "least of the least". They more than likely will be institutionalized for the rest of their lives. Few get the adequate medical care for their needs and often have much shorter life spans as well. Adopting a special needs child from a foreign country really is saving a life. Obviously, we support domestic adoption and foster care and that is our first choice. But, we also know that as imperfect as our foster/adopt system is it is far better than most foreign systems and therefore are open to whatever God sends our way.
Q: "Don't we adopt too many children from other countries already"?
A: Actually, that is a big misconception. In short, the the need is much greater than the number of people willing to help. In Russia alone there are over 150,000 orphans at any one time. Last year US citizens only adopted 1500+ children from Russia, for example. That is a small number in comparison to the the number of adoptions that took place in the United States. Additionally, only a small number of those Russian adoptions were special needs adoptions. If you need more comparison, in 2009 there were over 100,000 adoptions in the united states, 50,000 domestic adoptions from foster care and only 20,000 international adoptions again most of those are not considered special needs adoptions. In fact, statistically more domestic adoptions than international adoptions are special needs adoptions.
Q: "Isn't that just like buying a child?"
A: Although it sounds like you are because of the very large price tag associated with it, you are definitely not buying a child. First, the agencies that work to find homes for these children are mostly non-profit agencies and have to go through incredible scrutiny. Second, the high price tag is due to the fact that documents have to be translated, in-country liaisons and translators need to be hired. That is really where the money goes. With most special needs adoptions, agencies waive fees and often help you fund raise to meet the financial needs as well. It is still incredible to me the length people will go to, to help a child in need.
Q: "Are you doing this because you want to save the world?"
A: Although I truly believe that we are all called to help out wherever we can in the world, no I am not trying to save it. There isn't something missing in me that makes me want to go out and be a savior to others. I am however, trying to help one child because I love children and I love being a parent. As one family put it, "We didn’t decide to adopt because we wanted to "save" children out of pity or obligation. Plain and simple—it needed to be our way to create our family. We’re not heroes or saints, either. We’re just plain folks who wanted kids."
Q: "What led you to adoptions?"
A: After our first child was born, I had a very hard time getting and staying pregnant. I have always had it in my heart anyway to adopt, so committing myself to adoption rather than additional fertility treatments just seemed to be the right path for our family. Also, we have a number of adopted family members in our extended family so our children would be far from alone in that respect and would be readily accepted.
Q:"What types of Adoption are you considering?"
A: We are currently 2+ weeks away from receiving our certificate in the mail from the state for therapeutic foster/adoptive parents so we plan on fostering to adopt. Additionally we have inquired about special needs children in other countries. I am not sure what will come out of any of our endeavors but I am looking forward to growing our family.
Q:"Why would you consider fostering?"
A: First, it is a great way to help children who are in need of a home while their parents are getting the help they need. Also, it is a great way to be in position to adopt should parental rights be terminated. Second, there is a big misconception that foster kids are terribly damaged. Although this is a traumatic experience for most children, that doesn't mean that they can't have wonderful lives in our care. Most of them with the proper care can do very well and grow to live wonderful productive lives. Certainly many have varying degrees of physical, developmental and emotional issues but with support children are incredibly resilient.
Q:"Why would you consider a special needs child?"
A: I think most of us have grown up with a certain belief. We think that if we go into a store to get a can of soup we should get the one that has the shiny can. We only get the dented cans if we really can't afford to get the shiny one. When you are talking about children this isn't the case, but people still talk in language as though this is the case. First, it isn't as though we can't afford the shiny can. Well honestly, we can't at this point but if we really wanted the shiniest can we would have spend our money on adopting a newborn rather than fertility treatments.
The incorrect believe is that some how, some of us have shinier cans than others. The fact is that none of us has a perfectly shiny can. Inside we are all the same, we all have soup and the soup is the same regardless of the can. The point is that sometimes we care too much about the packaging and don't look at the person within, or in this case the child within. Only God is perfect and because he loves us and he sees us as his perfect children, we should see others as his children as well and focus on abilities not disabilities.
Since we feel this way we also feel that is is our place in the world to help those children who maybe other people might turn away. Also, many special needs children have correctable problems, or less severe issues and they can still live happy productive lives. Why not give them the chance and the love they deserve?
Q:"Why would you consider adopting from another country?"
A: That just may be where our child is. When you fall in love it doesn't matter the location. Also, special needs children in foreign countries are the "least of the least". They more than likely will be institutionalized for the rest of their lives. Few get the adequate medical care for their needs and often have much shorter life spans as well. Adopting a special needs child from a foreign country really is saving a life. Obviously, we support domestic adoption and foster care and that is our first choice. But, we also know that as imperfect as our foster/adopt system is it is far better than most foreign systems and therefore are open to whatever God sends our way.
Q: "Don't we adopt too many children from other countries already"?
A: Actually, that is a big misconception. In short, the the need is much greater than the number of people willing to help. In Russia alone there are over 150,000 orphans at any one time. Last year US citizens only adopted 1500+ children from Russia, for example. That is a small number in comparison to the the number of adoptions that took place in the United States. Additionally, only a small number of those Russian adoptions were special needs adoptions. If you need more comparison, in 2009 there were over 100,000 adoptions in the united states, 50,000 domestic adoptions from foster care and only 20,000 international adoptions again most of those are not considered special needs adoptions. In fact, statistically more domestic adoptions than international adoptions are special needs adoptions.
Q: "Isn't that just like buying a child?"
A: Although it sounds like you are because of the very large price tag associated with it, you are definitely not buying a child. First, the agencies that work to find homes for these children are mostly non-profit agencies and have to go through incredible scrutiny. Second, the high price tag is due to the fact that documents have to be translated, in-country liaisons and translators need to be hired. That is really where the money goes. With most special needs adoptions, agencies waive fees and often help you fund raise to meet the financial needs as well. It is still incredible to me the length people will go to, to help a child in need.
Q: "Are you doing this because you want to save the world?"
A: Although I truly believe that we are all called to help out wherever we can in the world, no I am not trying to save it. There isn't something missing in me that makes me want to go out and be a savior to others. I am however, trying to help one child because I love children and I love being a parent. As one family put it, "We didn’t decide to adopt because we wanted to "save" children out of pity or obligation. Plain and simple—it needed to be our way to create our family. We’re not heroes or saints, either. We’re just plain folks who wanted kids."
Monday, May 17, 2010
Yet another loss
I wish this was an easier post. We had what they call a missed abortion or miscarriage. There was a lovely heartbeat but it was small one week but on our return ultrasound no one was home. I had a D&C Friday April, 30th to remove the products of conception.
I am not sure what God has in store for me and my family next. I can say that he is great and good and has us in his hands right now. I also know that there will be a day when I met my savior in heaven and he will be holding my babies. I know in my heart I will see them again.
I am not sure what God has in store for me and my family next. I can say that he is great and good and has us in his hands right now. I also know that there will be a day when I met my savior in heaven and he will be holding my babies. I know in my heart I will see them again.
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