Our newest arrival is a total joy! He is an awesome little boy who is definitely developing his own personality. Or maybe, he always had that personality but has been in shell shock and hasn't been able to express it until now. He is funny and loud and a total boy; it's really something we have to get used to. We have had all girls up until now so having Mr. Rough and Tumble has been a little adjustment for us, even for my husband.
Luckily he eats well and sleeps well, mostly. He is basically a good kid even at 1 years old. You can pretty much tell he is not going to be the type that is real trouble. The hard part is that now that we are all adjusting, it will be a waiting game to see what his situation will turn out to be. It looks like his biological Mom and Dad have quite a bit of work to do. I don't want to wish for other people's down fall but I do really hope that our big guy gets to spend some time with us. It looks like at least six months and definitely longer if Mom and Dad can't seem to get it together.
Right now my life is visits and paper work and visitations with bio-parents. I can't get a babysitter if I want to go out. I have to get permission to take him on vacation or even get his hair cut. Right now I can't imagine not having a social worker visit but if it's what I have to do to get this little one taken care of, you know I will be there to do it. How can I not?? He is such a love!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Our Second Placement
On the evening of Sept 22nd we got an emergency call for a little one year old boy. I had to drive down town at 8:00 at night to the alley behind the ODJFS building in Cincinnati. I then had to walk to the front door to get a security guard to let me in where I waited for 20 minutes while the case worker prepared paperwork for our little one. We walked out side and I signed paperwork on top of his car in the back alley. All the while this little boy was in my arms and just quiet and curious.
By 9:15 pm I was driving back with a very tired and confused baby who drifted in and out of sleep. My husband and daughter had run out to the store to get him some essentials while I was picking him up. They were waiting, parcels in hand, when I arrived. By the time I got home he was completely out but getting him out of the car woke him immediately. I bathed him, got some pajamas on him that Lily had picked out and a giant bottle of milk which he drank down pretty quickly. He slept only 2 hours or so at a time and I had to sleep next to him most of the night.
It's been about a week now and he is doing really well and last night he slept through the night finally. He is teething and drooling but he is a pretty happy kid apart from that. The hard thing is that the roller coaster has already started. His Mom actually showed up in court today. Dad did not come. However, Mom has a friend that she wants to try to get cleared to take him. We will see where it all leads and we still don't know how long he will be with us. He is a very loved little boy in the mean time!! It is so hard not to get attached.
By 9:15 pm I was driving back with a very tired and confused baby who drifted in and out of sleep. My husband and daughter had run out to the store to get him some essentials while I was picking him up. They were waiting, parcels in hand, when I arrived. By the time I got home he was completely out but getting him out of the car woke him immediately. I bathed him, got some pajamas on him that Lily had picked out and a giant bottle of milk which he drank down pretty quickly. He slept only 2 hours or so at a time and I had to sleep next to him most of the night.
It's been about a week now and he is doing really well and last night he slept through the night finally. He is teething and drooling but he is a pretty happy kid apart from that. The hard thing is that the roller coaster has already started. His Mom actually showed up in court today. Dad did not come. However, Mom has a friend that she wants to try to get cleared to take him. We will see where it all leads and we still don't know how long he will be with us. He is a very loved little boy in the mean time!! It is so hard not to get attached.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Being Foster Parents
I looked back at my blog and realized I hadn't written since before we got my first placement. We ended up with three beautiful girls ages 2, 4, and 6. It was totally crazy with four children so I haven't blogged in forever. I was incredibly proud of myself though that I was able to parent four children and did it fairly successfully by the end of it. Everyone was very organized, we had a schedule and things like dishes and laundry actually got done too. I was even able to take the oldest three to the pool by myself; I didn't lose a kid or have any major catastrophe's occur.
The girls were only with us for 2 months however. The reason being that it wasn't really a good match. The four year old (who is really nearly 5) got very jealous when Lily and her sister would play together. This ended up in minor injuries for my daughter, unfortunately. Also, they really were children who needed a higher level of care than they initially thought. Who would have known? They will probably be going back to Dad soon if he can keep his job and finish his classes so we got another family to help them between now and then. Two of them are in school now and doing well. The littlest one turned 3 right before she left so we had a birthday party for her. It was very nice and she loved her gifts.
We took a few weeks off to get Lily into school and recuperate. We also went camping which was really fun! I love camping! We are now back on the open bed list and of course with in 20 minutes we got a call. We put our names in to be considered for two African American children. One is a 16 month old girl and the other is a 2 1/2 year old boy. However, we won't find out for another day or so if we are chosen to get them as a placement. Part of me is excited and part of me is nervous about having two babies in the house.
Like my last post, I am not sure what will happen and one minute you get a call and then next minute the children are being placed somewhere else or things change. Mostly this is because counties will call agencies like mine and get as many potential foster parents as possible. They will pick what they consider might be the best fit for these children. It all depends on the need out there and the number of current open beds that agencies have available. Who knows in a few weeks from now I could be the foster mother of a baby goat for all I know! I am joking, of course. Seriously, last time we had five calls and put our names down for three out of five of the calls. We finally ended up with the three girls.
Here is my take away from my first placement. This is a lot tougher job than they will ever tell you and it is impossible to prepare you for what you might face in a class! Counties will put a positive spin on the children because they want to get them care. They won't necessarily require you to get them all the help they need but they hope you will do as much as you can for them. By that I mean, counties can't afford to pay for theraputic care so they try to place children as traditional foster care as much as they can. If you are not careful you can go broke and be stuck doing far more than you expected if you really care about these kids. This is a "system" with lots of unwritten rules, manipulations, and you need to learn the ins and outs of it.
You are never prepared for what children might bring into your house either behavior wise or health wise and it will make you cry if you care about children. Our girls were exposed to adult horror movies so they really had a hard time sleeping. Also, they came in with nits we didn't know about and then had a full blown case of lice. The littlest one was very developmentally delayed enough to be borderline MRDD. She was a three year old with the speech skills of an 18 month old. The oldest horded food and wouldn't eat regular meals. She would tell you she hated everything. We had nearly every behavior that they talk about in the classes with those childern in two months.
Also, they all come in as wild children. Most have never had discipline and boundaries. If they had anything it was in the form of abuse. It becomes an incredible test of parental skills. If you pass you can make an incredible difference in a child's life. As challenging as it is, it also can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. As crazy as it was I can't wait to do it again (though I think my husband might have a differing opinion). :-)
The girls were only with us for 2 months however. The reason being that it wasn't really a good match. The four year old (who is really nearly 5) got very jealous when Lily and her sister would play together. This ended up in minor injuries for my daughter, unfortunately. Also, they really were children who needed a higher level of care than they initially thought. Who would have known? They will probably be going back to Dad soon if he can keep his job and finish his classes so we got another family to help them between now and then. Two of them are in school now and doing well. The littlest one turned 3 right before she left so we had a birthday party for her. It was very nice and she loved her gifts.
We took a few weeks off to get Lily into school and recuperate. We also went camping which was really fun! I love camping! We are now back on the open bed list and of course with in 20 minutes we got a call. We put our names in to be considered for two African American children. One is a 16 month old girl and the other is a 2 1/2 year old boy. However, we won't find out for another day or so if we are chosen to get them as a placement. Part of me is excited and part of me is nervous about having two babies in the house.
Like my last post, I am not sure what will happen and one minute you get a call and then next minute the children are being placed somewhere else or things change. Mostly this is because counties will call agencies like mine and get as many potential foster parents as possible. They will pick what they consider might be the best fit for these children. It all depends on the need out there and the number of current open beds that agencies have available. Who knows in a few weeks from now I could be the foster mother of a baby goat for all I know! I am joking, of course. Seriously, last time we had five calls and put our names down for three out of five of the calls. We finally ended up with the three girls.
Here is my take away from my first placement. This is a lot tougher job than they will ever tell you and it is impossible to prepare you for what you might face in a class! Counties will put a positive spin on the children because they want to get them care. They won't necessarily require you to get them all the help they need but they hope you will do as much as you can for them. By that I mean, counties can't afford to pay for theraputic care so they try to place children as traditional foster care as much as they can. If you are not careful you can go broke and be stuck doing far more than you expected if you really care about these kids. This is a "system" with lots of unwritten rules, manipulations, and you need to learn the ins and outs of it.
You are never prepared for what children might bring into your house either behavior wise or health wise and it will make you cry if you care about children. Our girls were exposed to adult horror movies so they really had a hard time sleeping. Also, they came in with nits we didn't know about and then had a full blown case of lice. The littlest one was very developmentally delayed enough to be borderline MRDD. She was a three year old with the speech skills of an 18 month old. The oldest horded food and wouldn't eat regular meals. She would tell you she hated everything. We had nearly every behavior that they talk about in the classes with those childern in two months.
Also, they all come in as wild children. Most have never had discipline and boundaries. If they had anything it was in the form of abuse. It becomes an incredible test of parental skills. If you pass you can make an incredible difference in a child's life. As challenging as it is, it also can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. As crazy as it was I can't wait to do it again (though I think my husband might have a differing opinion). :-)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
First Few Calls from In-Take
We have received our first calls from in-take. The woman's name is Melissa and she is incredibly sweet! I really like her. Unfortunately we had to pass up the first two calls but we are very close to having another member(s) of our family. We are hoping the third call is the charm.
The first call we had to turn down because it was for a family of four children. ages 11 months to 6 years old. That was a little much for us. The second call was perfect, it was for a 4 year old girl and a 16 month old boy, but they had 2 visitations each week in the middle of the day. There was no way we could do that realistically.
I am hoping we get one or two children, that are traditional foster care children (not special needs or heavy on the behavioral problems), who are headed toward permanency rather than reunification. Also, having 16mths and 4 years old would be totally perfect because that way Lily can be the oldest and a role model for the children. We will see who needs help and what comes up!
The first call we had to turn down because it was for a family of four children. ages 11 months to 6 years old. That was a little much for us. The second call was perfect, it was for a 4 year old girl and a 16 month old boy, but they had 2 visitations each week in the middle of the day. There was no way we could do that realistically.
I am hoping we get one or two children, that are traditional foster care children (not special needs or heavy on the behavioral problems), who are headed toward permanency rather than reunification. Also, having 16mths and 4 years old would be totally perfect because that way Lily can be the oldest and a role model for the children. We will see who needs help and what comes up!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
We are Licensed!
So we are very excited because we finally received our license from the state and we are now Therapeutic Foster/Adopt parents. We even received our first call the following day. We had to reject it because it was for 4 children and right now that is beyond our means but it was still very exciting to receive a call.
I think over the last week I have been reminded that everything is happening in its own way and in its own time. I am just relaxing and letting it happen as best I can. It has been nice that my daughter had a lot going on this past week so I had to focus on other things. Having some space and some other things to focus on has helped me get past my grief a bit. It will always be there but I know I can move forward and that is important.
I think over the last week I have been reminded that everything is happening in its own way and in its own time. I am just relaxing and letting it happen as best I can. It has been nice that my daughter had a lot going on this past week so I had to focus on other things. Having some space and some other things to focus on has helped me get past my grief a bit. It will always be there but I know I can move forward and that is important.
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Happy Path
Recently I had to just have a good ole' cry about our whole 'baby making' & adoption situation. I feel better now I think but I had a hard few days.What helped me get out of my funk was remembering how I met my husband. It sounds strange but I had to go through quite a bit in my life before I met him. I was able to see that my journey prepared me to meet him and to be the wife I am today.
Essentially. I was married in my early 20's to Mr Wrong. I thought I knew what love and marriage was all about but I really, seriously didn't. However, through that experience I learned what I wanted to be as a wife and what I wanted in relationships. Once we got divorced, I moved to California and met Jonny. It took us nearly 4 years and a tremendous break up in the middle but eventually we got married. It was the best decision of my life. I can truly say that this person is my best friend, I am a co-captain of our little family boat and not a first mate. Though we are not perfect and our marriage isn't perfect, it is perfect for us and exactly what I need and want.
I can look back to times when I was going through my rocky relationship with my ex-husband where I asked God, "Why am I going through this and what am I doing wrong?" Little did I know that God was preparing me to meet Jonny. OK he didn't necessarily want me to marry Mr. Wrong, that was my idea. However, it gave me the idea to move to California when I was divorced and lo and behold that is where Jonny decided to move to from Northern Ireland. Also, since I needed to learn what a good relationship looked like (since obviously I had no clue) he put people in my life like my step-sister and step-mother to help me.
The long and short of it is that God works to get us back on the right track. We may elongate the journey if we make bad choices but as we try to follow him he will lead us back to where we need to be. He's also working to get us to the place where our lives will cross the paths of others. And, it is all done at the time frame in which it needs done.
Fast forward to now, I see that what I am going through is preparing me to have the family and children I am destined to have. When I am going through a tough patch, it is really hard to see that. I have a really hard time remembering this and being patient. I have to learn to just trust in God that things are going the way they are supposed to go and not try to push my will on a situation. My impatience can make the journey longer.
Essentially. I was married in my early 20's to Mr Wrong. I thought I knew what love and marriage was all about but I really, seriously didn't. However, through that experience I learned what I wanted to be as a wife and what I wanted in relationships. Once we got divorced, I moved to California and met Jonny. It took us nearly 4 years and a tremendous break up in the middle but eventually we got married. It was the best decision of my life. I can truly say that this person is my best friend, I am a co-captain of our little family boat and not a first mate. Though we are not perfect and our marriage isn't perfect, it is perfect for us and exactly what I need and want.
I can look back to times when I was going through my rocky relationship with my ex-husband where I asked God, "Why am I going through this and what am I doing wrong?" Little did I know that God was preparing me to meet Jonny. OK he didn't necessarily want me to marry Mr. Wrong, that was my idea. However, it gave me the idea to move to California when I was divorced and lo and behold that is where Jonny decided to move to from Northern Ireland. Also, since I needed to learn what a good relationship looked like (since obviously I had no clue) he put people in my life like my step-sister and step-mother to help me.
The long and short of it is that God works to get us back on the right track. We may elongate the journey if we make bad choices but as we try to follow him he will lead us back to where we need to be. He's also working to get us to the place where our lives will cross the paths of others. And, it is all done at the time frame in which it needs done.
Fast forward to now, I see that what I am going through is preparing me to have the family and children I am destined to have. When I am going through a tough patch, it is really hard to see that. I have a really hard time remembering this and being patient. I have to learn to just trust in God that things are going the way they are supposed to go and not try to push my will on a situation. My impatience can make the journey longer.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Today's Comfort Verse from the Bible
"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Genesis 28:15
I know God is with me and will keep leading me back to himself until he has done what he has promised.
Genesis 28:15
I know God is with me and will keep leading me back to himself until he has done what he has promised.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
There are just days.....
There are just some days that are so frustrating and sad that it makes me want to cry. Last week I found out from our agency that the paperwork that needed to be signed and sent to the state for our foster/adopt certification hadn't been sent in yet. It has now been sent but it will still take another 2-3 weeks before we are even certified. This week I found out that a child I inquired about can't be adopted (at least not yet) because she was transferred and they can't find an agency in her area to facilitate the adoption. This, on top of the fact that exactly a month ago I had another miscarriage, just stinks! There are just days that I think I wasn't meant to be a mother to anyone else but Lily.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart. I explained it to my husband like this. It's like planning a party and having only one person show up. You are still glad that your one person showed up and now you think that there will be more cake for the two of you. It reminds you just how special they are. It's just that you really miss the friends that didn't show up. There is part of you that hopes they will come and still checks the window. Even though you love the one person that did show up, you would gladly give up your cake for the rest of them to be there as well.
I was really frustrated over the weekend and I did a little Bible reading. I realized that I mostly get frustrated when things don't go my way. The fact is that when I try to do everything my way, and it may be the right way, it isn't always want God has planned for me. There is a force (or God which is what I believe) that is driving you toward your destiny and you can either go with the flow or against it. You have to trust that he is looking out for your greater good. Let him lead you and know that everything will happen according to his perfect timing.
It sounds like bunk! Even as I am typing this I know it sounds like b*llsh*t christian rhetoric. No one when they lose a child wants to hear that it was "Gods Plan." Honestly I don't think it is God's plan that children die. I do know however, that things happen for a reason. It may not always be God's reason. The reason that I had miscarriages is that there were chromosomal issues. Better that we don't have to make a choice between an abortion and having to give birth to a child that will only end up dying. I actually thank him that I haven't had to make that choice. Children die every year in orphanages because of poverty. God didn't make poverty.
Yes, God could take away all those things in a second but then that would also take away the one thing that became possible in the Garden of Eden, freedom of choice between him and darkness. He wants us to choose him, he wants us to say yes, I love you Dad. It's not that he needs our love or acceptance, far from it. It's that he can't give help or love to someone who doesn't want it. If we don't love him then that is our choice and he can't force himself on us if he really loves us.
However, for those of us who follow we also know God works with us not against us and helps those who ask for help. As I was reading this weekend I was reminded of Jesus' 40 days in the desert when he was tempted by Satan. What Satan was trying to do was sow the seeds of doubt into Jesus's mind. He tried to get him to prove that God would help him (sowing the seed that it needed proven). He also tried to offer him the whole world if Jesus would just follow him. The lie is that we are separated from God and also separated from our greatest good. Jesus knew he was not separated from God and even though it was his job to die for us, he also knew that it was for the God's (his own) greatest good.
In the end, we are not separated from him or from our greatest good. We only think we are. We just have to remember that, quite ourselves down and listen. He will tell us what needs to be done and where he wants to lead us. The command that is stated the most times in the Bible is "Follow Me." In my darkest times, I am just trying hard to stick to that and listen to his direction.
The most difficult thing for me right now is knowing that the little Russian girl right now is in an institution. She is probably bedridden and won't have a very long life expectancy the longer she says there. I just pray there is a person in the place that she is in, that will look out for her. I pray she has a guardian angel over her just keeping her and all the other children safe. I have been very blessed in my life and if God could just move some of that blessing her way instead then that would make me very happy.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart. I explained it to my husband like this. It's like planning a party and having only one person show up. You are still glad that your one person showed up and now you think that there will be more cake for the two of you. It reminds you just how special they are. It's just that you really miss the friends that didn't show up. There is part of you that hopes they will come and still checks the window. Even though you love the one person that did show up, you would gladly give up your cake for the rest of them to be there as well.
I was really frustrated over the weekend and I did a little Bible reading. I realized that I mostly get frustrated when things don't go my way. The fact is that when I try to do everything my way, and it may be the right way, it isn't always want God has planned for me. There is a force (or God which is what I believe) that is driving you toward your destiny and you can either go with the flow or against it. You have to trust that he is looking out for your greater good. Let him lead you and know that everything will happen according to his perfect timing.
It sounds like bunk! Even as I am typing this I know it sounds like b*llsh*t christian rhetoric. No one when they lose a child wants to hear that it was "Gods Plan." Honestly I don't think it is God's plan that children die. I do know however, that things happen for a reason. It may not always be God's reason. The reason that I had miscarriages is that there were chromosomal issues. Better that we don't have to make a choice between an abortion and having to give birth to a child that will only end up dying. I actually thank him that I haven't had to make that choice. Children die every year in orphanages because of poverty. God didn't make poverty.
Yes, God could take away all those things in a second but then that would also take away the one thing that became possible in the Garden of Eden, freedom of choice between him and darkness. He wants us to choose him, he wants us to say yes, I love you Dad. It's not that he needs our love or acceptance, far from it. It's that he can't give help or love to someone who doesn't want it. If we don't love him then that is our choice and he can't force himself on us if he really loves us.
However, for those of us who follow we also know God works with us not against us and helps those who ask for help. As I was reading this weekend I was reminded of Jesus' 40 days in the desert when he was tempted by Satan. What Satan was trying to do was sow the seeds of doubt into Jesus's mind. He tried to get him to prove that God would help him (sowing the seed that it needed proven). He also tried to offer him the whole world if Jesus would just follow him. The lie is that we are separated from God and also separated from our greatest good. Jesus knew he was not separated from God and even though it was his job to die for us, he also knew that it was for the God's (his own) greatest good.
In the end, we are not separated from him or from our greatest good. We only think we are. We just have to remember that, quite ourselves down and listen. He will tell us what needs to be done and where he wants to lead us. The command that is stated the most times in the Bible is "Follow Me." In my darkest times, I am just trying hard to stick to that and listen to his direction.
The most difficult thing for me right now is knowing that the little Russian girl right now is in an institution. She is probably bedridden and won't have a very long life expectancy the longer she says there. I just pray there is a person in the place that she is in, that will look out for her. I pray she has a guardian angel over her just keeping her and all the other children safe. I have been very blessed in my life and if God could just move some of that blessing her way instead then that would make me very happy.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Back to waiting, and waiting
UUUUUugggghhh!!!!! Ok, it's the day before memorial day weekend. I just need to vent and ask God for lots and lots of patience.
First, I got an email this week saying that my assessor's boss FINALLY read through our homestudy and approved it. I thought she had said that she was doing that 2 weeks ago. Well it is finally mailed out but it will be yet another 2-3 weeks before the state certifies us as adoptive/foster parents.
Second, the group who we contacted 2 weeks ago, to inquired about a child, still hasn't gotten back to us either. Apparently, they haven't been able to get agencies to get back to them. Everyone is on vacation it seems.
It is so hard waiting. I hate it! hate it! hate it! I realized this week that we have been doing a homestudy since Christmas, we have been doing the foster/adopt thing for a year now, and the trying to conceive #2 thing for 3 years now. I keep getting teases but no relief. It's not as though I am not enjoying my life and my one child in the meantime. However, it is really, really frustrating to keep going down this road with no outcome.
I feel bad because at this point my husband could just give it all up and toss in the towel. I am the one who just can't move on. I feel like there is a child out there waiting for us and we just haven't met them yet or maybe we have but we just can't get to them.
First, I got an email this week saying that my assessor's boss FINALLY read through our homestudy and approved it. I thought she had said that she was doing that 2 weeks ago. Well it is finally mailed out but it will be yet another 2-3 weeks before the state certifies us as adoptive/foster parents.
Second, the group who we contacted 2 weeks ago, to inquired about a child, still hasn't gotten back to us either. Apparently, they haven't been able to get agencies to get back to them. Everyone is on vacation it seems.
It is so hard waiting. I hate it! hate it! hate it! I realized this week that we have been doing a homestudy since Christmas, we have been doing the foster/adopt thing for a year now, and the trying to conceive #2 thing for 3 years now. I keep getting teases but no relief. It's not as though I am not enjoying my life and my one child in the meantime. However, it is really, really frustrating to keep going down this road with no outcome.
I feel bad because at this point my husband could just give it all up and toss in the towel. I am the one who just can't move on. I feel like there is a child out there waiting for us and we just haven't met them yet or maybe we have but we just can't get to them.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Fundraising
I have always been a pay as you go person. When looking into foreign adoptions I realized I may have to do something I am not used to, ask for money. While it is against my grain, I also know that there is no way we are going to be able to help a child with out help from others. I decided to make a list, not just for others but for myself that details why you should fundraise for special needs adoptions.
1. The most obvious answer is, it's expensive and we can't do it alone! With special needs children agency fees are waived and grants are often available however that never covers the whole cost. Agencies that give grants expect that you will also fundraise in order to raise awareness and earn your grant. Also, once the child is in this country they will need medical care which also costs money even with the best medical insurance. Getting the adoption costs reduced at least relieves part of the family's financial burden. In the case of special needs children, it really does take a villiage to raise them!
2. It really is saving a child. If we don't do this, there isn't a queue of people behind us that will take this child. Most special needs children are not adopted. If left in their own country they will be literally dumped in mental or medical institutions where their life expectancy is reduced dramatically. Many of their conditions are treatable and they can live happy, productive lives here in America.
3. We need to raise awarness. Even if people don't help me out I hope they are now more aware of organizations like Reece's Rainbow and Brittnay's Hope that support special needs children and adoption. With out these organization more children world wide would end up in rather dyer circumstances.
4. It is tax deductable! These are non-profit organizations! You can make donations in the name of your favorite child and it goes specifically to their case. You can also donate to other humanitarian efforts at orphanges around the world.
1. The most obvious answer is, it's expensive and we can't do it alone! With special needs children agency fees are waived and grants are often available however that never covers the whole cost. Agencies that give grants expect that you will also fundraise in order to raise awareness and earn your grant. Also, once the child is in this country they will need medical care which also costs money even with the best medical insurance. Getting the adoption costs reduced at least relieves part of the family's financial burden. In the case of special needs children, it really does take a villiage to raise them!
2. It really is saving a child. If we don't do this, there isn't a queue of people behind us that will take this child. Most special needs children are not adopted. If left in their own country they will be literally dumped in mental or medical institutions where their life expectancy is reduced dramatically. Many of their conditions are treatable and they can live happy, productive lives here in America.
3. We need to raise awarness. Even if people don't help me out I hope they are now more aware of organizations like Reece's Rainbow and Brittnay's Hope that support special needs children and adoption. With out these organization more children world wide would end up in rather dyer circumstances.
4. It is tax deductable! These are non-profit organizations! You can make donations in the name of your favorite child and it goes specifically to their case. You can also donate to other humanitarian efforts at orphanges around the world.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Momma's Breakin' Down!
Ok I finally did it.... I ran to the grocery store just to get some ice cream and rabbit food (yes we rescued a rabbit last year!), I was walking past the kids section toward the pets section and I nearly had a nervous break down. I am not sure what the deal was but I just thought I would burst into fits of tears. I had to grab the rabbit food and just walk to another section of the store to calm down. Make-up and hair suppies seemed to work. Wow! I was just so overwhelmed in one moment.
I think this last miscarriage and the waiting for homestudies just has caught up with me. I just looked at all those baby clothes and felt like that will never be me again. I suddenly just lost it. I think for those of us that have either suffered losses, fertility treatments or the adoption process, we all have those break-down moments. Everything seems so overwhelming.
After I calmed down I was able to go home and luckily I have an understanding husband. We talked about it and I felt better. I know there are better days to come and I keep the faith and will continue to love all children that come my way.
I think this last miscarriage and the waiting for homestudies just has caught up with me. I just looked at all those baby clothes and felt like that will never be me again. I suddenly just lost it. I think for those of us that have either suffered losses, fertility treatments or the adoption process, we all have those break-down moments. Everything seems so overwhelming.
After I calmed down I was able to go home and luckily I have an understanding husband. We talked about it and I felt better. I know there are better days to come and I keep the faith and will continue to love all children that come my way.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Stacy, why do you want to adopt?
As silly as it may sound I decided to have an interview with myself. My reasoning is that I get asked these questions by people, so I thought it would be best to put all the answers in one place. People who know me know where my heart is but for those I may be just meeting for the first time, I think it's a great place to start advocating for adoption.
Q: "What led you to adoptions?"
A: After our first child was born, I had a very hard time getting and staying pregnant. I have always had it in my heart anyway to adopt, so committing myself to adoption rather than additional fertility treatments just seemed to be the right path for our family. Also, we have a number of adopted family members in our extended family so our children would be far from alone in that respect and would be readily accepted.
Q:"What types of Adoption are you considering?"
A: We are currently 2+ weeks away from receiving our certificate in the mail from the state for therapeutic foster/adoptive parents so we plan on fostering to adopt. Additionally we have inquired about special needs children in other countries. I am not sure what will come out of any of our endeavors but I am looking forward to growing our family.
Q:"Why would you consider fostering?"
A: First, it is a great way to help children who are in need of a home while their parents are getting the help they need. Also, it is a great way to be in position to adopt should parental rights be terminated. Second, there is a big misconception that foster kids are terribly damaged. Although this is a traumatic experience for most children, that doesn't mean that they can't have wonderful lives in our care. Most of them with the proper care can do very well and grow to live wonderful productive lives. Certainly many have varying degrees of physical, developmental and emotional issues but with support children are incredibly resilient.
Q:"Why would you consider a special needs child?"
A: I think most of us have grown up with a certain belief. We think that if we go into a store to get a can of soup we should get the one that has the shiny can. We only get the dented cans if we really can't afford to get the shiny one. When you are talking about children this isn't the case, but people still talk in language as though this is the case. First, it isn't as though we can't afford the shiny can. Well honestly, we can't at this point but if we really wanted the shiniest can we would have spend our money on adopting a newborn rather than fertility treatments.
The incorrect believe is that some how, some of us have shinier cans than others. The fact is that none of us has a perfectly shiny can. Inside we are all the same, we all have soup and the soup is the same regardless of the can. The point is that sometimes we care too much about the packaging and don't look at the person within, or in this case the child within. Only God is perfect and because he loves us and he sees us as his perfect children, we should see others as his children as well and focus on abilities not disabilities.
Since we feel this way we also feel that is is our place in the world to help those children who maybe other people might turn away. Also, many special needs children have correctable problems, or less severe issues and they can still live happy productive lives. Why not give them the chance and the love they deserve?
Q:"Why would you consider adopting from another country?"
A: That just may be where our child is. When you fall in love it doesn't matter the location. Also, special needs children in foreign countries are the "least of the least". They more than likely will be institutionalized for the rest of their lives. Few get the adequate medical care for their needs and often have much shorter life spans as well. Adopting a special needs child from a foreign country really is saving a life. Obviously, we support domestic adoption and foster care and that is our first choice. But, we also know that as imperfect as our foster/adopt system is it is far better than most foreign systems and therefore are open to whatever God sends our way.
Q: "Don't we adopt too many children from other countries already"?
A: Actually, that is a big misconception. In short, the the need is much greater than the number of people willing to help. In Russia alone there are over 150,000 orphans at any one time. Last year US citizens only adopted 1500+ children from Russia, for example. That is a small number in comparison to the the number of adoptions that took place in the United States. Additionally, only a small number of those Russian adoptions were special needs adoptions. If you need more comparison, in 2009 there were over 100,000 adoptions in the united states, 50,000 domestic adoptions from foster care and only 20,000 international adoptions again most of those are not considered special needs adoptions. In fact, statistically more domestic adoptions than international adoptions are special needs adoptions.
Q: "Isn't that just like buying a child?"
A: Although it sounds like you are because of the very large price tag associated with it, you are definitely not buying a child. First, the agencies that work to find homes for these children are mostly non-profit agencies and have to go through incredible scrutiny. Second, the high price tag is due to the fact that documents have to be translated, in-country liaisons and translators need to be hired. That is really where the money goes. With most special needs adoptions, agencies waive fees and often help you fund raise to meet the financial needs as well. It is still incredible to me the length people will go to, to help a child in need.
Q: "Are you doing this because you want to save the world?"
A: Although I truly believe that we are all called to help out wherever we can in the world, no I am not trying to save it. There isn't something missing in me that makes me want to go out and be a savior to others. I am however, trying to help one child because I love children and I love being a parent. As one family put it, "We didn’t decide to adopt because we wanted to "save" children out of pity or obligation. Plain and simple—it needed to be our way to create our family. We’re not heroes or saints, either. We’re just plain folks who wanted kids."
Q: "What led you to adoptions?"
A: After our first child was born, I had a very hard time getting and staying pregnant. I have always had it in my heart anyway to adopt, so committing myself to adoption rather than additional fertility treatments just seemed to be the right path for our family. Also, we have a number of adopted family members in our extended family so our children would be far from alone in that respect and would be readily accepted.
Q:"What types of Adoption are you considering?"
A: We are currently 2+ weeks away from receiving our certificate in the mail from the state for therapeutic foster/adoptive parents so we plan on fostering to adopt. Additionally we have inquired about special needs children in other countries. I am not sure what will come out of any of our endeavors but I am looking forward to growing our family.
Q:"Why would you consider fostering?"
A: First, it is a great way to help children who are in need of a home while their parents are getting the help they need. Also, it is a great way to be in position to adopt should parental rights be terminated. Second, there is a big misconception that foster kids are terribly damaged. Although this is a traumatic experience for most children, that doesn't mean that they can't have wonderful lives in our care. Most of them with the proper care can do very well and grow to live wonderful productive lives. Certainly many have varying degrees of physical, developmental and emotional issues but with support children are incredibly resilient.
Q:"Why would you consider a special needs child?"
A: I think most of us have grown up with a certain belief. We think that if we go into a store to get a can of soup we should get the one that has the shiny can. We only get the dented cans if we really can't afford to get the shiny one. When you are talking about children this isn't the case, but people still talk in language as though this is the case. First, it isn't as though we can't afford the shiny can. Well honestly, we can't at this point but if we really wanted the shiniest can we would have spend our money on adopting a newborn rather than fertility treatments.
The incorrect believe is that some how, some of us have shinier cans than others. The fact is that none of us has a perfectly shiny can. Inside we are all the same, we all have soup and the soup is the same regardless of the can. The point is that sometimes we care too much about the packaging and don't look at the person within, or in this case the child within. Only God is perfect and because he loves us and he sees us as his perfect children, we should see others as his children as well and focus on abilities not disabilities.
Since we feel this way we also feel that is is our place in the world to help those children who maybe other people might turn away. Also, many special needs children have correctable problems, or less severe issues and they can still live happy productive lives. Why not give them the chance and the love they deserve?
Q:"Why would you consider adopting from another country?"
A: That just may be where our child is. When you fall in love it doesn't matter the location. Also, special needs children in foreign countries are the "least of the least". They more than likely will be institutionalized for the rest of their lives. Few get the adequate medical care for their needs and often have much shorter life spans as well. Adopting a special needs child from a foreign country really is saving a life. Obviously, we support domestic adoption and foster care and that is our first choice. But, we also know that as imperfect as our foster/adopt system is it is far better than most foreign systems and therefore are open to whatever God sends our way.
Q: "Don't we adopt too many children from other countries already"?
A: Actually, that is a big misconception. In short, the the need is much greater than the number of people willing to help. In Russia alone there are over 150,000 orphans at any one time. Last year US citizens only adopted 1500+ children from Russia, for example. That is a small number in comparison to the the number of adoptions that took place in the United States. Additionally, only a small number of those Russian adoptions were special needs adoptions. If you need more comparison, in 2009 there were over 100,000 adoptions in the united states, 50,000 domestic adoptions from foster care and only 20,000 international adoptions again most of those are not considered special needs adoptions. In fact, statistically more domestic adoptions than international adoptions are special needs adoptions.
Q: "Isn't that just like buying a child?"
A: Although it sounds like you are because of the very large price tag associated with it, you are definitely not buying a child. First, the agencies that work to find homes for these children are mostly non-profit agencies and have to go through incredible scrutiny. Second, the high price tag is due to the fact that documents have to be translated, in-country liaisons and translators need to be hired. That is really where the money goes. With most special needs adoptions, agencies waive fees and often help you fund raise to meet the financial needs as well. It is still incredible to me the length people will go to, to help a child in need.
Q: "Are you doing this because you want to save the world?"
A: Although I truly believe that we are all called to help out wherever we can in the world, no I am not trying to save it. There isn't something missing in me that makes me want to go out and be a savior to others. I am however, trying to help one child because I love children and I love being a parent. As one family put it, "We didn’t decide to adopt because we wanted to "save" children out of pity or obligation. Plain and simple—it needed to be our way to create our family. We’re not heroes or saints, either. We’re just plain folks who wanted kids."
Monday, May 17, 2010
Yet another loss
I wish this was an easier post. We had what they call a missed abortion or miscarriage. There was a lovely heartbeat but it was small one week but on our return ultrasound no one was home. I had a D&C Friday April, 30th to remove the products of conception.
I am not sure what God has in store for me and my family next. I can say that he is great and good and has us in his hands right now. I also know that there will be a day when I met my savior in heaven and he will be holding my babies. I know in my heart I will see them again.
I am not sure what God has in store for me and my family next. I can say that he is great and good and has us in his hands right now. I also know that there will be a day when I met my savior in heaven and he will be holding my babies. I know in my heart I will see them again.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Well... I feel a little better
We got our first ultrasound so we are at 6w1d no heart beat yet but we did see a lovely yoke sac and fetal pole. It is much more than we were able to see before with our last pregnancies, so I am hopeful. I am not off the hook yet and I am still nervous. I still need to see the heart beat so I have to go back next week. I am grateful I go this far. It is truly miracluous!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
What the "F___" do you mean I am pregnant?
Yup that's right after being told that I have a 1-2% chance of ever doing it myself, I beat the odds and did it! Well to be honest, my husband did help. :-) Now I have a 50/50 shot of having another miscarriage; I also have a 50/50 shot of the child being just fine. If I were in Vegas I wouldn't have bet on these odds at any table. I am over the moon with excitement and I received really good beta results so far. Everything is looking up and I am completely floored. I get my first ultrasound this week and with any luck there will be a little heart beating. However, at the same time I am absolutely scared out of my mind that I may have to endure another loss.
The mix of emotions is absolutely crazy and I am trying to hold fast to my faith, knowing that it will carry me through this time good or bad. I just can't believe God is giving us one more shot at this. I have to say I am not sure I understand his plan but I am incredibly grateful.
I have no idea what to do with myself which is why I am writing. I spend my days wandering between looking at baby name sites while unbuttoning my pants to ease my bloating and distracting myself with funny videos on YouTube. I think because this came completely out of the blue I feel so attached and yet I am trying to push it away so I don't potentially get let down. How can you not be attached the minute you feel a little twinge in your gut and have a positive pregnancy test? It's something I don't know how to do.
My exuberance has spilled over so much that now my 5 year old daughter knows (she over heard me and my husband talking so we decided to just be honest). Now her entire school knows because she can't keep secrets either and although it is a tad embarrassing, I can hardly blame her. I have decided to look at it as though she can use all the support we can get and her friends and teachers will be there for her no matter how it turns out. I guess that is the only way to look at it right now. I am just really hoping all is going to go well I don't have to face the talk with her teachers.
That feeling of shame and embarrassment after a miscarriage is really hard to explain to people who haven't been through it. Even though you know you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about you know you will receive pity from just about everyone. I personally hate it. I know in my head that I did nothing wrong but having to say that the pregnancy ended makes you feel like you are two inches tall and the boy who cried wolf. You wonder if people think, "why don't you wait until the second trimester to tell people". You know that things can happen in any trimester and it never is a good time to tell people.
I don't think that is even my biggest fear. I have faced embarrassment before and I will live through it. I think my biggest fear really is losing this child and just being so devastated. I keep telling myself to trust God and trust his gifts. Whatever this road is, he is leading me and all I can do is follow. I can't imagine that God would give us this only to take it away and yet I know he can. His purpose may not be understood but it leads to somewhere and I just have to listen.
So for now, I am just trucking along with one foot forward each day.
The mix of emotions is absolutely crazy and I am trying to hold fast to my faith, knowing that it will carry me through this time good or bad. I just can't believe God is giving us one more shot at this. I have to say I am not sure I understand his plan but I am incredibly grateful.
I have no idea what to do with myself which is why I am writing. I spend my days wandering between looking at baby name sites while unbuttoning my pants to ease my bloating and distracting myself with funny videos on YouTube. I think because this came completely out of the blue I feel so attached and yet I am trying to push it away so I don't potentially get let down. How can you not be attached the minute you feel a little twinge in your gut and have a positive pregnancy test? It's something I don't know how to do.
My exuberance has spilled over so much that now my 5 year old daughter knows (she over heard me and my husband talking so we decided to just be honest). Now her entire school knows because she can't keep secrets either and although it is a tad embarrassing, I can hardly blame her. I have decided to look at it as though she can use all the support we can get and her friends and teachers will be there for her no matter how it turns out. I guess that is the only way to look at it right now. I am just really hoping all is going to go well I don't have to face the talk with her teachers.
That feeling of shame and embarrassment after a miscarriage is really hard to explain to people who haven't been through it. Even though you know you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about you know you will receive pity from just about everyone. I personally hate it. I know in my head that I did nothing wrong but having to say that the pregnancy ended makes you feel like you are two inches tall and the boy who cried wolf. You wonder if people think, "why don't you wait until the second trimester to tell people". You know that things can happen in any trimester and it never is a good time to tell people.
I don't think that is even my biggest fear. I have faced embarrassment before and I will live through it. I think my biggest fear really is losing this child and just being so devastated. I keep telling myself to trust God and trust his gifts. Whatever this road is, he is leading me and all I can do is follow. I can't imagine that God would give us this only to take it away and yet I know he can. His purpose may not be understood but it leads to somewhere and I just have to listen.
So for now, I am just trucking along with one foot forward each day.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Weight Loss
Weight Loss is such a bitter topic for me. I have struggled off and on for most of my life with weight issues and nothing messes with you more than being fat. I am Fat! I am a fat chick! I have gone from being over weight to being obese back to being healthy so many times I can't count them any more. What makes me most bitter is the commonly held belief that there is something seriously wrong with you as a person if you are fat.
Regardless of what people say and the media attention given to this issue, most people at their core truly believe that fat people are just lazy and don't care. Any grief that they get from being over weight is some how deserved. I know this from personal experience. I have had doctors make off the cuff comments about you know you just need to get out and exercise a little and it will just fall right off. Doctors are supposed to be experts and making remarks like that, as though I am at just being lazy, is insulting to say the least.
In case you think I am crazy, my metabolism is slower than most so I do exercise and it doesn't just fall off. My step-sister is naturally a size 4 and let me tell you she doesn't exercises. My friend who is 5'6" and complains about being 127 pounds rather than 125 pounds, can eat nearly an entire pizza herself. I have seen her do it! Now to be fair my friend who is 127 pounds does exercise and my step-sister tries to eat all organic and is gluten free due to allergies. However, I know for me I had to eat, 1200-1500 calories a day and do 2000 calories of exercise a week to maintain my 150-160 lbs. You want to know how much it sucks to have to do that? That isn't even "ideal" weight for me according to doctors. I should be under 140.
It is crazy the stuff that I have heard from people, over the years. I had one boss that I travelled to China on business with tell me that having another person who is overweight on the trip makes him more uncomfortable about his weight. Oh awesome! Thanks so much for confiding in me. That doesn't make me insecure at all especially since you are my boss and everything. I have had boyfriends confide in me that I was the largest girl they had gone out with and I wasn't even obese I was a bit overweight but still cute. I have been walking down the street and had young men yell, "Hey Fatty!" out the window of their truck while I was walking down the street with my pregnant work mate.
It is no wonder that the first thing people have to go through in significant weight loss programs is counseling. Besides struggling with self-esteem issues they have to realize that once they get their weight off they may also have to face what it is like to be "average". People who meet them for the first time and never knew they were obese still may not accept them. Instead of the "wow you look great" remarks they may be surprised to find that they get turned down for dates. Mothers still pinch you around the waist. Everyone from doctors who are new to store clerks who have never met you may think those brand new jeans you just bought are a little tight. They may even suggest you lose a few pounds.
It is just so crazy that this kind of behavior occurs and people feel they can say anything to anyone. However, it leaves me in a personal quandary. I still want to lose weight but also I want to stand proud with the "big girls". Being healthy and being a big girl shouldn't be mutually exclusive. I think my own psyche is playing out what the society is trying to do. I am trying to accept bigness and embrace a healthy life style all in one.
Further more, I know that healthy for me is probably going to be 160 and I will probably still be a big girl. I know I can maintain that weight long term. However, every time I lose weight I feel as though psychologically I am punishing myself for being fat and I don't want to do that. Trying to find a healthy balance that I can maintain physically as well as psychologically. I really hope I can achieve that goal and at the same time "stand with the big girls."
Regardless of what people say and the media attention given to this issue, most people at their core truly believe that fat people are just lazy and don't care. Any grief that they get from being over weight is some how deserved. I know this from personal experience. I have had doctors make off the cuff comments about you know you just need to get out and exercise a little and it will just fall right off. Doctors are supposed to be experts and making remarks like that, as though I am at just being lazy, is insulting to say the least.
In case you think I am crazy, my metabolism is slower than most so I do exercise and it doesn't just fall off. My step-sister is naturally a size 4 and let me tell you she doesn't exercises. My friend who is 5'6" and complains about being 127 pounds rather than 125 pounds, can eat nearly an entire pizza herself. I have seen her do it! Now to be fair my friend who is 127 pounds does exercise and my step-sister tries to eat all organic and is gluten free due to allergies. However, I know for me I had to eat, 1200-1500 calories a day and do 2000 calories of exercise a week to maintain my 150-160 lbs. You want to know how much it sucks to have to do that? That isn't even "ideal" weight for me according to doctors. I should be under 140.
It is crazy the stuff that I have heard from people, over the years. I had one boss that I travelled to China on business with tell me that having another person who is overweight on the trip makes him more uncomfortable about his weight. Oh awesome! Thanks so much for confiding in me. That doesn't make me insecure at all especially since you are my boss and everything. I have had boyfriends confide in me that I was the largest girl they had gone out with and I wasn't even obese I was a bit overweight but still cute. I have been walking down the street and had young men yell, "Hey Fatty!" out the window of their truck while I was walking down the street with my pregnant work mate.
It is no wonder that the first thing people have to go through in significant weight loss programs is counseling. Besides struggling with self-esteem issues they have to realize that once they get their weight off they may also have to face what it is like to be "average". People who meet them for the first time and never knew they were obese still may not accept them. Instead of the "wow you look great" remarks they may be surprised to find that they get turned down for dates. Mothers still pinch you around the waist. Everyone from doctors who are new to store clerks who have never met you may think those brand new jeans you just bought are a little tight. They may even suggest you lose a few pounds.
It is just so crazy that this kind of behavior occurs and people feel they can say anything to anyone. However, it leaves me in a personal quandary. I still want to lose weight but also I want to stand proud with the "big girls". Being healthy and being a big girl shouldn't be mutually exclusive. I think my own psyche is playing out what the society is trying to do. I am trying to accept bigness and embrace a healthy life style all in one.
Further more, I know that healthy for me is probably going to be 160 and I will probably still be a big girl. I know I can maintain that weight long term. However, every time I lose weight I feel as though psychologically I am punishing myself for being fat and I don't want to do that. Trying to find a healthy balance that I can maintain physically as well as psychologically. I really hope I can achieve that goal and at the same time "stand with the big girls."
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
My Fears
Foster care and adoption is a road with it's own bumps. It is hard to describe to others that haven't been through it. People liken it to having your own children but since the process of accepting a child into your home is different and the adjustment is different, it really is its own animal. I think because of that some of the worries are different as well.
Instead of worrying whether the child will be born healthy, I know the child will probably have issues of some sort. My issue is whether I can figure out which problem the child has and whether I will truly be able to handle it. I wonder if we have gone down this path for it only to wind up a disaster.
So, to worry this to the Nth degree and I get all my fears out there, here is my list:
1. We don't find a fit for our family and this ends up being as much of a dead end as fertility treatments.
2. One of us doesn't bond with the child.
3. My husband doesn't actually want to adopt but says he does for my sake and ends up resenting me and the child.
4. There is something terrible wrong with the child that we don't find out until later.
5. The child grows up and hates us.
6. My daughter grows up hating us for adopting.
7. It becomes a much more difficult job than I had ever imagined and I hate it.
So there it is; it's out there. That's my list and it is off my chest. Realistically, I know that some of that could happen but most of it probably won't. We have people to help us along the way so that we aren't facing any of that alone. Measures are always taken by agencies (and by us) so we know we will have a good fit and there shouldn't be a placement disruption.
I also have online and real-life friends that have gone through this. They let me know what the realities are of having a new child come into the home. They of course aren't really that different than having a new baby come into a home. Children get jealous and fight. There are days that one or both children have behavior issues. They will both get sick together and then you will get sick and then the dog will get sick and guess what? you are cleaning up barf for days including your own. It's called parenthood! Have fun!
Honestly though, if I stopped doing things because I was afraid I don't think I would be where I am right now in life. I think this is just another one of those times. I feel called to do this and I love being a parent. I am sure I will get lots more out of this than I ever imagined but for right now I just need to face my fears and move through them.
Instead of worrying whether the child will be born healthy, I know the child will probably have issues of some sort. My issue is whether I can figure out which problem the child has and whether I will truly be able to handle it. I wonder if we have gone down this path for it only to wind up a disaster.
So, to worry this to the Nth degree and I get all my fears out there, here is my list:
1. We don't find a fit for our family and this ends up being as much of a dead end as fertility treatments.
2. One of us doesn't bond with the child.
3. My husband doesn't actually want to adopt but says he does for my sake and ends up resenting me and the child.
4. There is something terrible wrong with the child that we don't find out until later.
5. The child grows up and hates us.
6. My daughter grows up hating us for adopting.
7. It becomes a much more difficult job than I had ever imagined and I hate it.
So there it is; it's out there. That's my list and it is off my chest. Realistically, I know that some of that could happen but most of it probably won't. We have people to help us along the way so that we aren't facing any of that alone. Measures are always taken by agencies (and by us) so we know we will have a good fit and there shouldn't be a placement disruption.
I also have online and real-life friends that have gone through this. They let me know what the realities are of having a new child come into the home. They of course aren't really that different than having a new baby come into a home. Children get jealous and fight. There are days that one or both children have behavior issues. They will both get sick together and then you will get sick and then the dog will get sick and guess what? you are cleaning up barf for days including your own. It's called parenthood! Have fun!
Honestly though, if I stopped doing things because I was afraid I don't think I would be where I am right now in life. I think this is just another one of those times. I feel called to do this and I love being a parent. I am sure I will get lots more out of this than I ever imagined but for right now I just need to face my fears and move through them.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Waiting, Waiting, Waiting.....
I know, a watched pot never boils! It just seems like 1/3 of our lives are spent sleeping, 1/3 of our lives are spent working, and a 1/3 of our lives are spent waiting for something. Oh sure, that 1/3 you are spending waiting you are also eating, brushing your teeth and going to the bathroom. But, if any one of you are like me, you are pretty good at multi-tasking. In fact, the 1/3 of the time I am at work I am also expending brainwaves on waiting. So really I am probably waiting 1/2 of my life for something. I am good like that! Is that impatience or just plain old OCD?
So what am I waiting for? Last year it was this new procedure or that new treatment for infertility. It was waiting in doctor's offices and in exam or procedure rooms It was waiting to take a test. It was waiting to miscarry, not just once but twice. It was waiting to find a donor to try just one shot at using a donor egg. This year it is waiting to hear from Agencies about foster/adoptive applications. Hopefully soon it will be waiting to hear about potential children we can foster/adopt.
Currently we have an application in with SAFY which stands for Specialize Alternatives for Family and Youth. They are a Foster agency that certifies you and then supports you when you get a foster child in your home. They also pay you but not nearly enough to cover the expenses you will probably need to take care of the child. That's ok I am not in it for the money. They are contracted by a number of counties in our area. The county we originally applied with turned around the day before our home study and decided to only use private agencies. They no longer will certify or serve foster children themselves; they don't have the budget any more. So, when a child comes in through DJFS they get processed and an email alert now goes out to all of the private agencies.
It has upsides and downsides, but that is the process now. As a result we had to put in our application somewhere else and that somewhere else is SAFY. We completed a new set of paper work and had our inspections. Now we are just waiting to hear when our next home study will be. Did I mention I hate waiting?
Honestly, I am not sure what will happen when I don't have something to wait for. Right now that day seems pretty far away. I wonder if I will have trouble with out my brain not having something extra to do. Of course by then, hopefully our family will be complete and I will have lots of other things to concentrating on, like being a mom one more time.
So what am I waiting for? Last year it was this new procedure or that new treatment for infertility. It was waiting in doctor's offices and in exam or procedure rooms It was waiting to take a test. It was waiting to miscarry, not just once but twice. It was waiting to find a donor to try just one shot at using a donor egg. This year it is waiting to hear from Agencies about foster/adoptive applications. Hopefully soon it will be waiting to hear about potential children we can foster/adopt.
Currently we have an application in with SAFY which stands for Specialize Alternatives for Family and Youth. They are a Foster agency that certifies you and then supports you when you get a foster child in your home. They also pay you but not nearly enough to cover the expenses you will probably need to take care of the child. That's ok I am not in it for the money. They are contracted by a number of counties in our area. The county we originally applied with turned around the day before our home study and decided to only use private agencies. They no longer will certify or serve foster children themselves; they don't have the budget any more. So, when a child comes in through DJFS they get processed and an email alert now goes out to all of the private agencies.
It has upsides and downsides, but that is the process now. As a result we had to put in our application somewhere else and that somewhere else is SAFY. We completed a new set of paper work and had our inspections. Now we are just waiting to hear when our next home study will be. Did I mention I hate waiting?
Honestly, I am not sure what will happen when I don't have something to wait for. Right now that day seems pretty far away. I wonder if I will have trouble with out my brain not having something extra to do. Of course by then, hopefully our family will be complete and I will have lots of other things to concentrating on, like being a mom one more time.
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